45 Things That Will Definitely Happen At World Cup 2014

 

Will change the colour to red once they happen.

1. Players will complain that the ball is too light/moves weirdly/is part of a conspiracy perpetrated by FIFA.

2. Casual fans will complain incessantly about diving.

3. Hardcore fans will complain incessantly about Luis Suarez diving.

4. There will be reports of arguments in the Dutch dressing room.

5. Someone from the French squad will miss a game after a night of partying and “entertaining female visitors.”

6. People will rejoice at the lack of vuvuzelas.

7. People will miss being able to make vuvuzela jokes.

8. A small team will be denied a heroic win against a big team by a controversial refereeing decision in the last five minutes.

9. Pundits will express regret that “exciting” African teams with “raw talent” are let down by “poor goalkeeping” and it will be dreadful.

10. A major star will get injured in training in the weeks before the tournament and everybody will obsess over whether they’ll be fit in time.

11. They will end up playing, but will be rubbish.

12. The German team will be described as “not up to the standards of previous German sides” but will nonetheless make it to the semi-finals.

13. The Brazilian team will be described as “not up to the standards of previous Brazil sides” but will nonetheless make it to the semi-finals.

14. The Italian team will be described as… you get the idea.

15. There will be unnecessarily in-depth reporting about how hot it is.

16. Sepp Blatter will continue to look and act like Dr. Evil.

17. Maradona will give an impromptu, unintelligible sidewalk press conference.

18. After years of tempered expectations, English newspapers will get excited after a half-decent result in the group stage.

19. England will then choke in remarkable fashion. ::cough:: penalties ::cough::

20. Ronaldo will score (at least) one goal of superhuman caliber.

21. And (at least) one goal that is a complete fluke.

22. Either way, he will lift up his shirt to celebrate.

23. He will have a nine-pack.

24. David Beckham will be shown in the stands wearing an asteroid-sized watch and sitting with someone incredibly important.

25. Countless hours will be devoted to explaining “goal-line technology.”

26. Goal-line technology will not be used.

27. The directors of the TV coverage will spend an inordinate amount of time focusing on female Brazilian fans in the crowd rather than the action on the pitch.

28. Neymar will have a haircut that people will only be able to describe as…experimental.

29. Pundits will make several hundred references to Messi not being the best ever until he wins a World Cup.

30. Belgium will be described as the “dark horse” of the tournament several hundred times.

31. A true dark horse will make it through to the quarter-finals through defensive determination and luck. (Bosnia & Herzegovina?!)

32. There will be a substitution drama in at least one game in Manaus, when every player on the field turns into a puddle and evaporates.

33. Pele will be shown on TV every 10 minutes.

34. There will be protests.

35. Probably a lot of protests.

35. Twitter will question why on earth none of the Spanish team sings during their national anthem, before a legion of fellow internet warriors remind them that the song has no words.

36. Franz Beckenbauer will look stately and so will Zinedine Zidane.

37. Every time Spain plays, the cameras will constantly jump to shots of Shakira juxtaposed with Pique. (Didn’t happen camera wise, but I watched with BBC’s alternative commentary and they were talking about Shakira instead)

38. If Spain gives up a goal, her suffering and angst will be our suffering and angst.

39. There will be an unexpected standout (probably a tricky winger or attacking midfielder) who will get scooped up by Chelsea/Real Madrid/PSG immediately after the tournament.

40. A commentator claims before every Costa Rica, Iran or Algeria match that the minnows will be, ‘determined to prove they’re not just here to make up the numbers’.

41. English commentator makes a truly comical, and verging on offensive attempt at pronouncing a little known Bosnian or Russian players name.

42. A bizarre opening ceremony occurs, that leaves spectators world-wide scratching their heads in confusion, wondering what on earth they just witnessed.

43. Gervinho will have the worst hair at the tournament.

44. Kyle Beckerman will be a close second.

45. It will be incredibly fun and unpredictable and you won’t want to miss a second.

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Top 10 promising young talent at the WC

#10 Romelu Lukaku: Belgium

Belgian striker Romelu Lukaku showed an example of what’s to come in this summer’s World Cup after scoring a superb solo goal in the 5-1 win against Luxembourg on May 26 in a game that also saw him bag a hat-trick. On loan at Everton from Chelsea last season, the 21-year-old scored 15 goals and made six assists in the Premier League. He’s now scored 32 goals and made 10 assists in his two full campaigns in the English top flight. Belgium are expected to go far in the World Cup, according to ITV, and with striker Lukaku in great form, they could well reach the final stages of the tournament.

#9 Paul Pogba: France

Juventus midfielder Paul Pogba is well known but has yet to play in a major international tournament at senior level for France. The 21-year-old joined Juve in 2012 and has gone on to win back-to-back Serie A titles and Supercoppa Italianas, as per Wikipedia. Pogba’s fast rise to glory has been incredible. The talented midfielder won the Golden Ball to go with his FIFA U20 World Cup triumph with France in 2013. He only made his international senior team debut in March that year. Scoring seven goals and making seven assists, while also boasting having made 74 successful dribbles and 48 key passes in Serie A, Pogba is set to play an important part in the France side this summer. Certainly one to watch.

#8 Raheem Sterling: England

The Premier League’s 2014 Young Player of the Year nominee Raheem Sterling, who currently plays for Liverpool, is another England hopeful who can really make a difference in this summer’s World Cup. The 19-year-old winger scored nine goals and made five assists for the Reds in the Premier League, and he could be an important impact player for England manager Roy Hodgson.

#7 Joel Campbell: Costa Rica

While Arsenal winger Joel Campbell came to the attentions of many following his superb curled effort for Olympiakos against Manchester United in the Champions League last season, the Costa Rican international has been in incredible form during his loan spell. Campbell, 21, has scored eight goals and made 12 assists for the Greek side. He returns to Arsenal following his temporary spell with Olympiakos but could be the catalyst for the Costa Rica side this summer and could hamper England’s hopes of qualifying from the group stages when the two sides meet in June.

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#6 Gerard Deulofeu: Spain

While it can be difficult for newcomers to the Spain squad to force their way into the first team, Barcelona’s Gerard Deulofeu may be one player to whom manager Vicente Del Bosque looks in the World Cup. The 20-year-old spent last season on loan with Everton, scoring threegoals and making three assists. He quickly built up a reputation for his penchant for trickery to beat his opponent, with 44 successful dribbles made, while proving to be a genuine goal threat, too. While he failed to make the initial 30-man provisional squad, Deulofeu was called up for the pre-tournament friendly against Bolivia and could put himself in the driver’s seat for a place on the plane should anyone pull out. He does have Pedro, Juan Mata, Santi Cazorla, Jesus Navas and Andres Iniesta to contend with for a place in the Spain side, but Deulofeu isn’t there to make up the numbers and could be a successful wildcard this summer.

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#5 Memphis Depay: Netherlands

Promising PSV Eindhoven winger Memphis Depay is a name to remember. The 20-year-old only made his Netherlands debut in October 2013, but he’s now a player who could play an important part in the side in this summer’s World Cup. Depay has scored an impressive 12 goals and made eight assists in 32 league games. He’s made just a handful of appearances for the Netherlands side but has more than proved he’s ready for the next step.

#4 Mateo Kovacic: Croatia

The lesser-known Mateo Kovacic of Inter Milan is perhaps devoid of notoriety but not quality. The 20-year-old Croatian international has featured in all but six of the Nerazzurri’s league games last season. He’s a box-to-box midfielder who drives the ball from deep and into dangerous areas in the final third. Kovacic has made four assists in the league and boasts 71 successful dribbles from midfield. He’s also made 44 tackles and 28 key passes. The Croat played a pivotal part in Inter finishing in a Europa League place, too.

#3 Julian Draxler: Germany

Germany boast an impressive midfield in their World Cup squad, but Schalke’s Julian Draxler is certainly one of the most exciting. The 20-year-old has enjoyed a good campaign with the Bundesliga outfit, scoring five goals and making seven assists in the league and Europe. Draxler averages more successful dribbles per game than Chelsea’s Eden Hazard, Bayern Munich’s Arjen Robben and Barcelona’s Neymar. Such is the strength of the Germany midfield, Draxler could be limited to substitute appearances, but he’s sure to impress when he does get on the pitch.

#2 Ross Barkley: England

Everton’s exciting midfielder Ross Barkley is a player who could make the difference for England. Such has been the impressive nature of his performances this season, Barkley has been compared to former England attacking midfielder Paul Gascoigne by his own club manager Roberto Martinez, via ESPN. The 20-year-old has enjoyed a superb breakthrough season with the Toffees, scoring six goals and making 80 successful dribbles in 34 Premier League games from midfield. He’s more than merited his call-up for this summer’s World Cup and will look to make an impression. Fearless Barkley has shown himself to be unfazed by the occasion in games and will certainly get minutes on the pitch for England in the World Cup.

#1 Serge Aurier: Ivory Coast

Ivorian defender Serge Aurier is tipped to have a good World Cup with Les Elephants, as reported on ITV. Last season for French side Toulouse, the 21-year-old scored six goals and made six assists from right-back. He’s deadly going forward, evident with his 191 crosses being made in Ligue 1,  and he’s comfortable in possession, with 1577 passes attempted and 1213 completed.

How to Avoid the World Cup.

The flags of St George are being unfurled, supermarkets are bombarding us with special offers on beer and crisps, and the usual  television  schedules are about to  be obliterated.

In case you hadn’t noticed, the World Cup has kicked off.

But despite the relentless chatter and endless advertising onslaught, it seems the nation isn’t quite as behind the England team as you might expect. In fact this is probably the least hyped World Cup In years! Think yourselves lucky!

Take a look at my post of things to expect over the next month here.

What to do if you want to avoid the World Cup Totally!

1 – Cancel your TV licence and throw your TV out. Stock up with a month’s worth of baked beans and frozen pizza. Close your curtains and don’t leave your house during the entire tournament.

2 – Visit Wales / Scotland. We don’t think they’re going to be getting behind England’s effort this summer. If you really want to get away from it all then explore the country’s canals. Breath-taking scenery, jaw-dropping feats of engineering and welcoming country pubs.

Sorry guys I know that’s not much help but it is everywhere. Agree or disagree, football is the most popular sport in the world and half of the entire population is set to tune in. If you don’t want to embrace it, why not try taking the piss out of it? 🙂

If you’ve thought of any ways to avoid the World Cup that we haven’t please feel free to comment and let us know.

In the Meantime here’s some perks for you non football fans this summer!

1. There’s never a wait at Starbucks during the game.

2. You can wear whatever color you want.

 

3. And don’t have to be wear silly headgear.

 

4. Or impolite shirts.

 

5. Or brainwash poor little babies before they can even know which team they support or if they even like football.

6. You are hangover-free on weekdays.

7. And not sleep-deprived either because you haven’t stayed up late to watch ALL THE FOOTBALL.

8. Game time is a perfect time to catch up on your torrents (not that any of us ever download anything illegally — ever).

9. You don’t get into huge football-related fights with lifelong friends on Facebook that end badly.

10. You save a ton of money not buying team-themed merchandise

Things You’ll Experience Over The Next Month If You Don’t Care About The World Cup

1. Your favourite pub will become a no-go area.

 

2. Your TV viewing is over.

 

3. You will continually ask: “Is it over yet?” and constantly be disappointed.

 

4. This rather angry man will dominate every conversation you hear.

5. This will get very boring and quite depressing.

6. Lego reconstructions will really start to fuck you off.

7. However, penalties will be pretty fun.

8. And the fights seem quite amusing.

9. You will learn to hate Cristiano Ronaldo.

 

10. You will continue to hate Pitbull.

 

11. You’ll get angry the ‘superior’ sporting events won’t receive the appropriate attention.

 

12. You’ll also get fed up with every conversation in the office starting with: “Did you see…?”

 

13. And constantly having to listen to people debate who will play who in the next round.

 

14. You will see too many tweets by this man.

15. Your social life will effectively be over as you have no idea what anyone is talking about most of the time.

 

16. Although, there’s no one to talk to anyway as they’re all checking their phones for the latest scores.

17. You’ll be utterly depressed by how warm Brazil looks.

18. And the terrible (and potentially offensive) memorabilia.

Stupid bloody football.

Opening Ceremony review

The World Cup Opening Ceremony was held in Sao Paulo at the 68,000-seat New Corinthians Stadium. Nearly half the world’s population, well over three billion spectators, is expected to watch soccer’s premier event and get a glimpse of the country that in two years will host the Summer Olympics.

But as play begins, it still isn’t clear which Brazil we’ll see. Will it be the irreverent nation known for its festive, free-wheeling spirit? Or the country that for the past year has been a hotbed of fury over poor public services, discontent over a political system widely viewed as corrupt and deep anger over the $11.5 billion US spent on hosting the World Cup? By mid-morning, it looked like it would be both.

300 people gathered outside the ground to protest and were duly teargassed and shot with rubber bullets for their trouble. Meanwhile. inside the stadium, Fifa held a conference explaining how their only aim in their humble life was to establish world peace. One journalist asked with a commendably straight face if they expected to win the Nobel peace prize. Fifa solemnly considered the possibility. “This goes beyond football and beyond Fifa,” intoned one of the Fifabots.

Perhaps it’s best to think of the opening ceremony as the fluffer for the World Cup, and certainly some was needed in São Paulo this week which has been looking, as has been widely reported, albeit in possibly different terms, decidedly unfluffed.

So At 7pm, after I’d washed my pots, I tuned into ITV for the coverage of the opening ceremony. This is roughly how it went and my thought process.

• Ian Wright is walking round the beach. Of course he is. Why not? He’s going to give us his inimitable guide to Rio. There’s Sugar Loaf Mountain. It’s called Sugar Loaf Mountain because … Do you know why it’s called Sugar Loaf Mountain, Lozza?” Lozza, the cameraman, doesn’t know. Wrighty is too excited. He lets us know he’s mates with Barry Manilow. Then he hugs a German surfer.
• Our first look at the stadium. It’s not full but a huge roar has just gone up. There are dancers around the side of the pitch and, in the middle, a giant, colourful LED ball that’s flashing welcome messages in various languages. I’m slightly worried that ball is going to become sentient and go on a spree, before assuming world domination. Bloody Fifa. You can’t trust them.
• Let the dancing begin! Some people dressed as rain drops run past the camera. Now we’ve got people dressed as trees. It’s the Amazon, see. The trees are standing still and weird swamp people are moving round them. Then some flowers. One of the flowers can’t stop grinning when the camera catches her/it. Not very professional, but can you blame her? World Cup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

If the orb sees Sepp Blatter, will it

• a) shoot a laser beam at him
• b) explode
• c) Say “Father?

• We’re into the second section – apparently this will reflect the diversity of the people of Brazil. More dancing. The music’s picking up now and so’s the pace. We’ve got a jazzy vibe going on now and my foot’s starting to twitch. “I’m disappointed that Andy Townsend isn’t offering his insight on this opening ceremony,” says John Galt. “That’s a canoe, Clive. That’s a giant flashing ball, Clive. That man’s dressed like a tree, Clive!”
• Here’s the football section. A small boy dressed as a referee blows a whistle and suddenly a load of dancers dressed as footballs burst into view. They jump around a bit, then sit down, allowing boys and girls from local football clubs to come on and show off their skills. The orb is now glowing like the official ball of the World Cup.
  
• The orb is opening! Thankfully it doesn’t shoot out a laser beam or reveal Sepp Blatter. Instead it’s a sequinned Claudia Leitte, singer of the official anthem. She’s on her own for a while and then, out of nowhere, J-Lo and a grown man called Pitbull rise up from underneath orb to join her. They’re going to prance around on a stage for a bit now. As many have pointed out, the lead singers of the anthem this year, Pitbull and Jennifer Lopez, seem to have been chosen in the spirit of this kind of international unity, seeing as neither are actually Brazilian: Pitbull was born in the US to Cuban parents and Lopez, albeit originally From The Block, is also American with Puerto Rican parents. But we’ll get back to that.

Pitbull’s LOVE HANDLES spilling out.

• Thank God that’s over. I never thought I’d be relieved to see Adrian Chiles face!

Some memorable tweets:

• This is like something the staff of Argos would knock together to celebrate a new store opening.
• £9 million on the opening ceremony. £2.50 on the speaker system.
• #OpeningCeremony or Acid trip?! Can’t work out which.
• For god sake Simon Cowell, press your bloody buzzer
• Tbh you can’t really top the Queen jumping out of a helicopter
• If I was Brazilian I would be protesting right now. That was terrible. #OpeningCeremony#WorldCup2014

 

Favourites to win World Cup Golden Boot Award

10. Karim Benzema

Benzema will play a major role in the performance of the French national team. Now that the fan-favourite Ribery is out injured, his responsibility has doubled and his performance will be under the scanner. He had a decent campaign with Real Madrid, winning the Champions League and Copa Del Rey in the process. He will be motivated by the fact that his side has a relatively easier group when compared to other teams.

9. Romelu Lukaku

Surprised to see his name in the list? You should not be. He has been in a lethal form both in domestic and international football. Belgium find themself in one of the easiest groups and they will face Algeria, Russia and South Korea. Belgium is expected to win all three matches and we can expect Lukaku to score 3-4 goals in the group stages alone. So it won’t be a surprise if this beast from Belgium wins the golden boot.

8. Diego Costa

Diego Costa was certainly one of the best footballers last season. With his amazing goal scoring skills he showcased last season, he is expected to play a key role in Spain’s title defense. Spain has been pitted in quite a difficult group and you can’t expect many goals from Costa in the group stages. However, he is expected to score decent number of goals this time.

7. Luis Suarez

Most of you won’t agree, but Luis Suarez has been the best striker in the world for the past 1-2 years. His vision, passing, runs and goal scoring techniques have been one of the best, not to forget his free kicks. He is fighting to be fully fit because of the injury he got in the end of last campaign. This is expected to affect his chances a bit, that’s why he is this low in the list. One would have expected him to be in the top three otherwise.

6. Fred

This is the 30-year-old Fred’s first and most-probably-last World Cup and so he would really like to give his best for his Country. Added to that, Brazil will be playing as the host nation and this certainly gives Fred an upper hand. His lethal performances helped Brazil to win the Confederations Cup last summer and he is expected to play a pivotal role in this year’s World Cup.

5. Gonzalo Higuain

After Brazil, Argentina are the front runners to win the World Cup. One cannot deny the fact that they have the best attack in the world. Their weak link is their defense and if they can manage somehow, they can certainly win the Cup. Higuain had an excellent season with Napoli and is expected to score few goals this world cup. Argentina has been pitted in an easy group and you can expect them to score a lot of goals in the group stages.

4. Cristiano Ronaldo

I know what you are actually wondering now. What is Ronaldo doing at the fourth position? The answer is simple. Ronaldo’s is not fully fit yet and reports suggest that he may even miss the world cup. That will be a huge shock, supposing it happens. However, if he recovers to face Ghana in the first match of their World Cup campaign, you can expect him to score like and hell and most probably win the golden boot. Let us hope for the best.

3. Sergio Aguero

Sergio Aguero has been in a lethal form of the late and he has been destroying clubs in the Premier League with amazing goal scoring skills. His fitness levels are also closely monitored and if he is deemed fit, you can expect him to score a lot of goals. The fact that Argentina has easier fixtures in the group stages comes in as handy to him. Let us see how effective he is for Argentina.

2. Neymar Jr.

A lot is being expected from Neymar this World Cup. He proved the world what he is capable of last summer in the confederations cup. A similar set of performances will certainly make him a leading contender for this year’s World Cup Golden Boot award. My prediction is that Neymar will score this world cup’s first goal but will fail to win the Golden Boot. Let us wait and watch.

1. Lionel Messi

Yet another Argentine in the list and this time it the most popular and amazing Lionel Messi. It is not a surprise to see him this list. As we said earlier, Argentina has relatively easier group when compared to other teams. Lionel Messi is expected to play the leading role in Argentina’s World Cup hopes and winning the world cup will make him one of the all time bests. So it is highly expected that he will be scoring a lot of goals this world cup.

20 World Cup facts!

1. The FIFA World Cup is the ‘world’s most widely viewed sporting event,’ which takes place every four years

2. The World Cup is organised by the Federation Internationale de Football Association (FIFA)

3. 32 teams participate in the World Cup

4. 76 nations have played in at least one World Cup

5. Uruguay won the first World Cup in 1930

6. Eight national teams have won the World Cup, and they have added stars to their badges, with each star representing a World Cup victory. They include: Uruguay, Italy, Brazil, England, Germany, Argentina, France and Spain

7. 20 of the 736 players players present in Brazil have been champions previously. 16 Spaniards and 4 Italians.

8. The 1970 World Cup hosted by Mexico was the first to be televised in colour

9. Ronaldo de Lima of Brazil is the highest all-time goal scorer with 15 goals in three World Cup appearances..
10. The oldest footballer to score in a World Cup match was Roger Milla of Cameroon at the age of 42 years, 39 days against Russia in USA ’94. Russia won by a 6-1 margin.
11. The first African to score at the World Cup was Abdulrahman Fawzi of Egypt in 1934.
12. With five titles, Brazil are the most successful World Cup team and also the only nation to have played in every World Cup (19) to date.
13. Italy (1934 and 1938) and Brazil (1958 and 1962) are the only nations to have won consecutive titles.
14. West Germany (1982–1990) and Brazil (1994–2002) are the only nations to appear in three consecutive World Cup finals
15. Germany have made the most top-four finishes, with 12, while sharing the record of most top-two finishes with Brazil, with seven.
16. The Adidas Golden Ball award is presented to the most outstanding player at each World Cup finals, with a list generated by the FIFA technical committee and the winner voted on by members of the media – 2010 Winner: Diego Forlan (Uruguay).
17. The Adidas Golden Shoe award is presented to the top goal scorer at every World Cup finals – 2010 Winner: Thomas Müller (Germany)
18. Africa hosted the FIFA World Cup for the first time in 2010 in South Africa.
19. 3.2 billion people worldwide watched the 2010 World Cup – 46.4% of the world
20. Brazil will host the 20th edition from June 12-July 13 2014.